tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50660069177466641762024-03-18T21:18:20.820-07:00Evil TartEvil Tarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05886768835028656311noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066006917746664176.post-85518101266347329432009-12-13T21:41:00.000-08:002009-12-13T21:50:12.681-08:00Apparently<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCE2UPxcyE2KRsXXtXvOl91GufUBoMvcI7e6gvJtOnnrBLIutDty4Oz1kSDuVeJz47mghA0-k6JF6atOh3o0_hafSpgGqjSGQhsSYyX0YizYvU7mMP-gfEMwaFf9WXIPhvfDBkrhBomWYQ/s1600-h/Photo+13.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCE2UPxcyE2KRsXXtXvOl91GufUBoMvcI7e6gvJtOnnrBLIutDty4Oz1kSDuVeJz47mghA0-k6JF6atOh3o0_hafSpgGqjSGQhsSYyX0YizYvU7mMP-gfEMwaFf9WXIPhvfDBkrhBomWYQ/s200/Photo+13.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414964862536106866" /></a><br /><br />^ Today<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIet_-43tEzyGhIefdvJVyk9c07RvaANwHmGFP-jq7iQ6jenBNsx4C9-CapLAKvEvHJS5fIRMlmuJQVRDripQSjrJZ3mNVJT_vPwh6CDu2JrbTl0M5Aw8wL98oy9xmKSBFj63p-Zv1TkNb/s1600-h/Photo+78.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIet_-43tEzyGhIefdvJVyk9c07RvaANwHmGFP-jq7iQ6jenBNsx4C9-CapLAKvEvHJS5fIRMlmuJQVRDripQSjrJZ3mNVJT_vPwh6CDu2JrbTl0M5Aw8wL98oy9xmKSBFj63p-Zv1TkNb/s200/Photo+78.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414965010498835394" /></a><br /><br />No makeup 2 days ago^<br /><br /><br /><br />I'm doing well for myself :)<br />Actually I couldn't be happier ... life is epic right now.<br /><br />I'll be in NYC Dec 23-27th<br /><br />I'm shooting most of the time I'm there, finishing up my book as well.<br /><br />I auditioned for a lead role and I am pretty confident I got it. If I didn't then I will go full throttle with the acting bug...it's bitten me, shamelessly. <br /><br />I'm doing "okay" I suppose at work.<br /><br />My thigh tattoo sketches are being worked on and they will be epic! Masterpieces if you will :) <br /><br />Working out daily (I've missed 3 days due to below 20 temps)<br />Eating 100% correct on the diet.<br />Not wearing makeup unless I seriously have to <br />And being so happy I could puke ...<br />means I look fucking awesome :)<br /><br />updates later but check out my website under "links" within 12 hours 4 new sites were talking about my new images!<br /><br />I took them yesterday!!!<br /><br />*I'm Vex Clothing's new model!*<br /><br />Self pictures at the shoot <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHV63QbmeYdN1Sw6Z7tyeJCLPNPpibi1R39_PTPpGkgcj1uJodgw-bxu5m8NAM6sujhxlVx2taSOF18xxWSh_cSAY8UH_azsIZzKDvHUzb6x5SRHG_Jf_DsUvivQ562-tUMF01Wym3YbRU/s1600-h/Photo+5.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHV63QbmeYdN1Sw6Z7tyeJCLPNPpibi1R39_PTPpGkgcj1uJodgw-bxu5m8NAM6sujhxlVx2taSOF18xxWSh_cSAY8UH_azsIZzKDvHUzb6x5SRHG_Jf_DsUvivQ562-tUMF01Wym3YbRU/s200/Photo+5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414964575831649458" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNHy6RSDmEVGo-6e3JtX4tXm5S0kC1XfohINa90GJV2wqd0KZqmsZFkG1YvaQZRSytR46jx5wDMmz6ujmW238484MjbDSdvroIqj0cu0Q7gfGYvXYuBVOxQbfxaoH_mRPkZPyO7WL3jTX9/s1600-h/Photo+6.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNHy6RSDmEVGo-6e3JtX4tXm5S0kC1XfohINa90GJV2wqd0KZqmsZFkG1YvaQZRSytR46jx5wDMmz6ujmW238484MjbDSdvroIqj0cu0Q7gfGYvXYuBVOxQbfxaoH_mRPkZPyO7WL3jTX9/s200/Photo+6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414964699674363554" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3E2vkHzJ0fSSs4E9iBZMoLiZ_lKSdH4id6OV3iNIsUseu8rSi8Dg_QhZA2J_LsWxqvrJeaAClW_Ovx4_MF52u9x_VmiwhpA0zmR2UzqEP8XkiOSMwXlewCaWpoB6GsdHQVpdiABpiyxv4/s1600-h/-1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3E2vkHzJ0fSSs4E9iBZMoLiZ_lKSdH4id6OV3iNIsUseu8rSi8Dg_QhZA2J_LsWxqvrJeaAClW_Ovx4_MF52u9x_VmiwhpA0zmR2UzqEP8XkiOSMwXlewCaWpoB6GsdHQVpdiABpiyxv4/s200/-1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414963341367235570" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyfYs3EZqTNnE8y1AOOJDyZrdeHhbwthDwIzroJrgCAwGJhesZgjUmanz-nkM-EtDvyXgmTYH2GY8mbkwnrV22dcfyY7hzMmy8TA628A6UiDAXWaz5bGtzKj_6xKF1x6Rgrqntwm5kSHRp/s1600-h/-4.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyfYs3EZqTNnE8y1AOOJDyZrdeHhbwthDwIzroJrgCAwGJhesZgjUmanz-nkM-EtDvyXgmTYH2GY8mbkwnrV22dcfyY7hzMmy8TA628A6UiDAXWaz5bGtzKj_6xKF1x6Rgrqntwm5kSHRp/s200/-4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414963858524961954" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3A47L8oblk1uqCOzESDLvEuxBXoIQ3yFdY2lolGnTjtxR_FRiAkv7KDgfK8ijy98rWGIpts-pw_xqL4Gei6fVNdADnDqTzbumbMuz7dH7xkkmh0BvIXmb0s42wHyYZiixw4TgPlNCtyZa/s1600-h/49426953.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3A47L8oblk1uqCOzESDLvEuxBXoIQ3yFdY2lolGnTjtxR_FRiAkv7KDgfK8ijy98rWGIpts-pw_xqL4Gei6fVNdADnDqTzbumbMuz7dH7xkkmh0BvIXmb0s42wHyYZiixw4TgPlNCtyZa/s200/49426953.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414964057513867506" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1HZiwXCxy6aeG_g5nm3T9e2qN7yjr3J1Krmqb_vjoXDHx_wKRaBu95YJ4IQK8VYnNCc8VGBAkOXBTEPvPHUPeqsXp57Mv1Cod-d-NSqzimmyhn67DuYgKEkMKULetGIW87_AuKWVkq8GU/s1600-h/49223562.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1HZiwXCxy6aeG_g5nm3T9e2qN7yjr3J1Krmqb_vjoXDHx_wKRaBu95YJ4IQK8VYnNCc8VGBAkOXBTEPvPHUPeqsXp57Mv1Cod-d-NSqzimmyhn67DuYgKEkMKULetGIW87_AuKWVkq8GU/s200/49223562.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414963963441889410" /></a>Evil Tarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05886768835028656311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5066006917746664176.post-65804782497137622692009-11-09T10:04:00.000-08:002009-11-09T10:19:12.030-08:00back.A new era and a new life.<br />I've picked up poetry and have been writing non-stop for days.<br />What I've lost in weight, I've made up for in creativity. <br />My spark that has been gone for long is back.<br />Sadness still exists but it's temporary and I had zero regrets or remorse.<br /><br /><br />My chemistry resides within a glance, within words and his touch. <br />My heart resides there with his smile, his eyes bright and soft<br /><br /><br />I could say I'm hateful, arrogant almost with it. <br />But, instead I'm grateful, because it gives me the freedom to understand now my feelings.<br /><br />No more put downs<br />No more control issues<br />No more manipulation of my rights and reasons<br />No more always being in the wrong and to stupid to see the right<br />No more crutch required<br />No more added baggage to drag<br />No more crying myself to sleep<br />No more being someones intraptment<br />No more wishing to die because I can't escape the realization I'm nothing significant.<br />No more plotting to die to make someone elses life easier since I stood in their way.<br />No more emotional garbage cans required<br />No more easily to be disposed of.<br />No more wishing, waiting and hoping to be excepted.<br />No more tossed to the side<br />No more abandonment.<br />No more just being used for a good story line, <br />No more living allowing someone to live vicariously through tribulations and addictions.<br />No more being so sad and uncomfortable with my skin that I refuse to eat<br />that i refuse to get out of bed<br />that I see myself as less than human<br />less than loved<br />No more believing I'm the bad guy .. always<br />No more forcing myself to make selfish love<br />No more wishing one day he'd wake up and see he doesn't need me to change anything.<br /><br />I've been given tools, taught how to be grateful and how to show affection and how to make sure someone knows I love them. It's taken years of practice an patience. But I think I understand now. <br />Patience will be my downfall if anything.<br /><br />My sexual needs to fill empty spaces will be sickness.<br /><br />While I couldn't bring myself to be that person the positive person all the time then, I have no doubt it will never stand in my way again. I see and feel so much more. <br />And before me stands a future<br />One that there isn't as much drama<br />Where I'm behind the scenes but not playing the role of someone in a scene.<br /><br /><br />I saw through it, the lies, the projection and the fact I was an nothing more than an option. A long option to hate upon, to cheat on and to dislike. I was a verbal and emotional punching bag. <br /><br />Now, I'm part freedom / part another's future. <br />No Good luck required, because I have all that matters and my eyes are set upon the one thing I wanted the most.Evil Tarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05886768835028656311noreply@blogger.com